Hilton the philosophical horse for President 2008

Learning from those who've gone before

2007-10-13T21:47:00.000-07:00

Hilton the philosophical horse was pleased to chance upon the recorded fervent efforts of this young man Mark Sundeen for Howard Dean's historical pitch for prez. Next time Hilton suggests this wild enthusiasm be sunk into a more appropriate equine candidate. He should study the Rhinoceros Party where his efforts would have been appreciated and would have required him to journey about chopping the plugs off lawnmowers instead of all this flitting about, press releases and flag waving.

From The Believer

Before I changed American politics forever, I was a dropout. I lived in a town of five thousand in the middle of the desert.

Hilton the philosophical horse knows how to unite the world

2007-09-08T10:58:00.001-07:00

Hilton the philosophical horse offers you his favourite Saturday morning inspiration. Snoopy in arabic. Salaam. All supporters encouraged to learn it off by heart.

Hilton the philosophical horse's main dude

2007-09-08T10:32:00.000-07:00

Transparent as ever with his voters Hilton is not leaving you guessing. It's true that a number of folks in the racing world have profoundly influenced and exhausted Hilton, but there's one man who he holds dearest and who gives him the strength to rise each morning from the straw. The late and great Mr. Joe Strummer. It's time for a president whose main references are punk and puddles. Hilton the philosophical horse had decreed that upon election he will instigate a new vision for America called therapy with Joe. Residents will be encouraged to listen to Joe's music for the betterment of the nation and to counteract some of the impulse control problems created by the present government.

Here's the confession and following it an apt message from the main dude himself that certainly mimics the atmosphere in Hilton's campaign office each day.

Hilton the philosophical horse takes the campaign to the clouds

2007-09-08T10:23:00.001-07:00

Exciting developments on the campaign trail. We are used to seeing candidates chatting comfortably inside private jets. Not Hilton, he's taken to the environmentally friendly cardboard Chinook where he's demonstrated a definite agility. You won't find Hilton hovering. He'll be deep in the grass and muck, unlike other lightweights with their inflight socks and noses pressed against the window.

Hilton has also thoughtfully provided "soothing" music to get Americans out of their SUV's with the musical aide of Joe Strummer and the creative input of Snoopy's tummy. He'd like to thank the Daisy Hill Puppy Farm for providing such a divine source of inspiration for the campaign.

Breaking news ... Hilton the philosophical horse agrees to debate in Spanish

2007-09-03T12:52:00.001-07:00

Hilton is the only candidate to agree to a debate in Spanish. Right now he's cramming with how to be an exceptionally Spanish horse in a week. Watch out for new Spanish language videos.

Not only is he the single candidate willing to debate in Spanish, but he's going to provide Fellow Americans with a glossary to help them speak Petit Nicolas, which should aide American Foreign Policy enormously.

Nom d'un chien zut!

The history of Hilton the philosophical horse

2007-09-03T12:42:00.000-07:00

I'm the only candidate you can actually own. I'm the only candidate you'd want to own. I am not related to any of the other Hiltons, but I have admired their bathrooms, before I saw the light and formulated my anti-plumbing platform.

Find out how I got my name here and put pressure on my makers to stop "discontinuing" me.

Shortly I will be providing fellow Americans with interviews from those who know me and can attest to my strong and demented character.

The left hoof conspiracy: Bobby Dazzler the disco dancing horse attempts a coup

2007-09-02T11:54:00.001-07:00

Fellow Americans, unfortunately all candidates face personal attacks and slurs upon their characters. I am not immune and I offer you evidence of my ability to withstand the abuse and speculation of Bobby Dazzler the disco dancing horse (or sniffing pony as he's commonly referred amongst stable residents). Booby Dazzler appears to be forming an alliance with my competition and is likely an infiltrator from either Hillary or Obama's campaign. The John Edwardsd bloke is too busy chasing SUV's to organize an infiltrator and he keeps copying my platform, but soon I shall catch him out. You heard it here first. John Edwards is copying me. It could be that he's actually a horse too because we seem to agree on rather a lot, except plumbing.

Hilton the philosophical horse lie test 2

2007-09-02T11:49:00.000-07:00

Just to be certain I made my people do the lie test twice. I offer you my word that I have not, would not, and will not send Dick Cheney a birthday card. Have the other candidates made such an important declaration? I am the only transparent candidate.

Hilton the philosophical horse gathers up the reins of the web

2007-09-02T11:41:00.000-07:00

If you have not seen my videos on youtube waste no time in hoofing it over there. Subscribe to my channel to follow my campaign trail all the way to the ballot box.

Bienvenue

2007-09-02T11:26:00.000-07:00

Fellow Americans I stand before you as the unacknowledged candidate for the Presidency, I have strong hoofs and I like climbing hills. I also speak French. Bonjour Monsieur Sarkosy. Coup de poing sur le nez anybody?